Grief Doesn't Follow a Schedule (and That’s Frustrating as Hell)
Last night in the Grief Lounge, we talked about expectations—specifically, the ones we put on ourselves when we lose someone we love.
Maybe you expect to cry every day, but instead, you feel numb. Or you think you should be “over it” by now, but a random song on the radio stops you in your tracks.
The thing about grief is that it doesn’t follow a straight path—it loops, spirals, and sneaks up on you at the worst possible times.
And sometimes, it really fucks with your head (and heart).
What most people don’t realize is that grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical, mental, and even spiritual. It lives in your nervous system, muscles, and even your immune response. So if you’re feeling off but can’t quite explain it, grief might be speaking through your body.
Here are a few ways it tends to show up:
1. Brain Fog & Forgetfulness
Ever walk into a room and immediately forget why you’re there? Or stare at an email for 10 minutes before realizing you have no idea what it says? Grief messes with your brain chemistry.
Your body is in survival mode, and when you’re grieving, your brain deprioritizes focus, memory, and decision-making because it’s too busy processing loss. This is called grief brain fog, and it’s why even simple tasks feel overwhelming.
💡 Helpful Tool: My RIP Method (Rest, Integrate, Process)
Rest – Your brain is doing a LOT behind the scenes. Give yourself permission to slow down.
Integrate – Instead of fighting the emotions, let them be part of your experience.
Process – Write, talk, move—anything that helps you get the emotions out.
2. Body Aches & Random Pain
Grief doesn’t just sit in your heart—it gets stored in your muscles.
People often carry grief in their shoulders, neck, and lower back. This is because stress and emotional pain create tension, tightening up muscles and making even small movements feel exhausting. Some people also experience headaches, jaw clenching, or even chest pain that mimics a heart attack (this is a real thing called broken heart syndrome).
💡 Helpful Tool: Body Scans & Movement
Try a body scan meditation – Notice where you’re holding tension and breathe into those areas.
Move your body – Stretch, shake it out, or go for a walk. Movement helps release stored grief.
Massage or Reiki – Gentle bodywork can help move stuck emotions out of your tissues.
3. Exhaustion (Even When You’re Sleeping)
Grief is exhausting—and not just in the “I need a nap” way. Even if you’re getting eight hours of sleep, you might wake up feeling like you haven’t rested at all.
Why? Because grief keeps your nervous system in a heightened state. It’s like running an emotional marathon in the background while still trying to function in daily life. Your body is constantly processing, even when you’re not actively thinking about it.
💡 Helpful Tool: Nervous System Regulation
Breathwork – Deep belly breathing helps shift your body out of survival mode.
Hydration & Nutrition – Your body needs fuel to keep up with the emotional load.
Gentle movement – Even a 5-minute walk outside can reset your system.
4. Emotional Whiplash (AKA Joy & Sadness at the Same Time)
One minute, you’re laughing at a stupid meme. The next, you’re crying in the grocery store because you saw your loved one’s favorite snack.
Grief isn’t just sadness—it’s all emotions at once. You can feel joy and pain in the same breath, and that can be really confusing. Society teaches us that emotions should be either-or, but grief reminds us they are both-and. And that duality? It can be disorienting as hell.
💡 Helpful Tool: Acceptance & Compassion
Let it be messy – You don’t have to make sense of it. Just feel what comes up.
Give yourself grace – Your emotions are valid, even when they don’t make sense.
Surround yourself with people who get it – Because not everyone will.
5. Digestive Issues & Appetite Changes
Grief affects the gut in a major way. Some people lose their appetite completely, while others crave carbs, sugar, or comfort foods. And for some, grief brings stomach aches, bloating, nausea, or—let’s just say—unpredictable bathroom habits.
This happens because the gut and brain are directly connected. When you’re grieving, your body produces more cortisol (stress hormone), which can slow digestion, speed it up, or just make everything feel off.
💡 Helpful Tool: Grounding Foods & Gentle Eating
Listen to your body – If you're not hungry, start with small, nourishing foods.
Eat grounding foods – Warm soups, herbal teas, and easy-to-digest meals can help.
Try probiotics – Supporting your gut health can help regulate digestion.
You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone
Grief is weird, unpredictable, and heavy—but you don’t have to carry it alone. If you want to hear more about these topics, watch the replay of our last Workshop or come join my Skool community, where we talk about the REAL side of grief. No sugarcoating, no toxic positivity—just real support.
🖤 Join the community here → We welcome you